Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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