Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
