She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
