ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
