Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
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