I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
