I saw his package. It spoke to me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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