walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
