She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
