God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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