He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
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I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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