not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
