He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
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