I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
