mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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