Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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