he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
