i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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