I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
