Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
