sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
