Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
