one might say we're banned from that church
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
