A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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