ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
