remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
