She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
