just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
