I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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