I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
