Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
handjob tips. give me some.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she peed on how many people?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
