i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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