You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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