I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
