Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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