What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
