she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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