Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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