i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
