Sponge bath it is.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
