Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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