Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
