I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
