i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize