Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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