ADVERTISEMENT

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill

  Fav 11 1408 704

  share tweet
  

• (514): View more from Quebec

  He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.

  Fav 18 897 4890

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (509): View more from Washington

  I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.

  Fav 9 5492 876

  share tweet
  

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasted some perfectly good semen on her

  Fav 17 1258 5358

  share tweet
  
• 

  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this

  Fav 11 2254 1161

  share tweet
  

• (859): View more from Kentucky

  how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?

  Fav 6 1124 3024

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (316): View more from Kansas

  Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.

  Fav 5 1359 1412

  share tweet
  

• (817): View more from Texas

  she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable

  Fav 13 882 2161

  share tweet
  

• (907): View more from Alaska

  I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!

  Fav 6 683 866

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.

  Fav 2 1255 609

  share tweet
  

• (904): View more from Florida

  They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!

  Fav 4 990 562

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (618): View more from Illinois

  Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.

  Fav 1 849 609

  share tweet
  

• (913): View more from Kansas

  Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.

  Fav 2 933 711

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.

  Fav 0 746 379

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.

  Fav 2 18 72

  share tweet
  

Randomize