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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.

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• (239): View more from Florida

  I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.

  (239): View more from Florida

  I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Everything we own is covered in grass and KY

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong

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  23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories

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• (845): View more from New York

  Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it

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• (631): View more from New York

  You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles

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  These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was

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• (415): View more from California

  He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands

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• (347): View more from New York

  I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.

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