Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family