Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"