I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.