This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I am available for nakedness