MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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