I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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