cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
