I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
