so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
