Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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