i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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