My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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