spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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