Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
