I could have mohawked her pubes.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
