I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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