just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
