im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
