Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Randomize
