Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
