i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
