So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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