Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
