we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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