i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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