She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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