i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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