I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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