in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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